Life as I know it...

I have blogged a million times about the power of three and how it's such a blessing that I get a plethora of perspectives because all of my friends are so different from each other. And it's not that we're different, it's that we balance each other out that makes it all that much better.

When I come up with a ridiculous idea, most of the time I can call Christina and we make the idea even more ridiculous just by discussing it in increasingly outrageous detail. Like the fucked up boat we've been trapped in that's full of ramen and burritos and spam, all which must be cooked by the sun, well,  because we're on a mutherfuckin' boat. Or how Scotty (or any awesome guy really) is going to fall in love with me by listening to a master mix of cult classics, west coast rap and indie rock sung by us at a karaoke bar. Or how amazing our coffeeshop/bookstore/bar/lounge/club/restaurant will be one day...

And then Sher comes in and can either add to the craziness or to bring us back to Earth depending on which one is appropriate at the time.

This time, once again, I am thankful that Sher brought me back down to Earth when I had this urge to call Tony tonight. As much as I'm glad that we're back, even on a text like crazy all day level back, I don't want to be friends with him. I miss him and I want more. But I don't need it and the last thing I need to be is crazy about it.

My job and everything else is not working out, so why add some retarded boy situation to the mix? I was fine till I opened the gateway again and now it's all rushing back to me. I don't want to be back in this needy sad situation where my happiness is dependent on whether a boy comes over or calls me back or shows up on time. I know there are guys out there that won't let me down as much as Tony did and we only dated for a month! 

The thing is, I already know what's good for me most of the time, I mostly just don't  want to do it and I need someone to tell me to do it.

Like my work husband Will, who always calms me down and makes some silly face to show me how ridiculous Im being. He tells me that everything is going to be ok and then does whatever I don't want to do to make sure that everything really is ok. Yeah, I'm kind of his boss, but he really has made this all a lot more tolerable. Yes, and I kind of have a crush on him too... check out www.infocraving.com his edu-blog with answers to random stuff you always wondered about. Or at least stuff I always wondered about.  

I love when Sher uses the phrase "get over myself". I feel like I need to do that all the time, but it takes a lot to get me there, usually, a big old shove works...but not always.

I knew that when Tony and I ended, I didn't want it to be the final end. But of course I would never admit to how much I missed him or wanted to be friends with him still. My SATC alter ego and I agree that being friends after a breakup is a privilege, not a right.

I've never really been friends with people I dated because it's messy. I don't like messy or gray area or crap like that. If something is done, it's done and that is all. I know it's not the best way to live life but my life is already jampacked with people I do love and care about who I don't see or even talk to all the time so why make room for someone else? Particularly someone else who has hurt me already. It just doesn't make sense.

Or it didn't until I texted Tony. I've wanted to do that a ton of times over the past few months and never had a real reason to. Even the reason I did it this time was weak. The thing is, he's the only guy I've dated that I actually wanted back. And yeah, I'd like to try again with him but even if we only end up as friends this time, I think I'd be okay with that. Or maybe not. But I'd never know until I opened up the lines of communication again and this is my attempt at that.

Today as I was savoring Daylight Savings Time being half awake before my very full schedule, Nancy suggested I invite Tony to the game. I didn't even think of doing that because I was afraid of how weird that would be, but I did it anyway. And of course he had work, but he thanked me for asking him and we texted a few more times after that.

So now what? I think I'm actually  just going to let it happen. Now that he has my info again and we've been texting all day for two days, I don't know what else to do but sit on my hands and see what he does next...    

For the first time in a long time, I wasn't really looking forward to Halloween this year. I wasn't going to be at Roosevelt so I couldn't dress up as a Simpson (ok, only 3 of my friends did, but still), and I wasn't going to host the annual Halloween parade. I was going to be sitting at the office finishing up the user manuals for our software program instead. Hooray!

After working almost 80 hours this week and last, I needed a work free weekend:Here's a rough timeline of the events that transpired.

(FRI) 9pm- My friends and I all went to Jesus' annual Halloween party. I  dressed as a good GI Joe (wore camo shorts, halter top, boots and guns) since Nancy was the bad Cobra Baroness, As soon as we parked, I called out to a guy in the parking lot who was wearing fatigues too. He had come with Sal (of the infamous Sal, Nancy, Tony, Emma double date fiasco) and was of course, Tony's friend as well. I was being friendly which came off flirty to the audience (my friends), and he started off flirty too, then somehow the subject of Tony came up. When he asked about that situation, I said, "We dated for a little bit. He broke up with me because he didn't have time for me. I didn't want to be friends with him so I haven't heard from him for 2 months." As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized that it made me sound like an immature, self centered, lame girl. And there I was flirting with his friend? The guilt started to build...

11pm-We left the bar due to a disagreement between Jesus and his brothers and the bar management. We left Sal and Tony's friend at the bar since Nancy didn't want them to follow us and at that point, neither did I. The party continued at one of the brothers' condos. Old school house party shenanigans ensued. I had a lot of pent up energy so as soon as the music started, Party Girl Emma came out of retirement for a few hours and Nancy (who didn't know me then) was surprised but damn, it felt good to really get down and dance again.

(SAT) 1:30 am-We leave the party exhausted and I'm still on my happy dance high so I hug the host Jesus and although we are all about 99% sure he's gay, he still tries to make out with me as we say goodbye. I dodged and slid away safely. 

7:00 am-Nancy has to go to TJ with her mom for a family crisis thing. I had spent the night to help her out but didn't realize this was the time her children started their Saturday morning since they had catechism at 8am.

11:00am-Talking to his friend made me think of Tony and I'd been thinking of him more and more often lately so I text him. His phone had died sometime between last time I talked to him and now so he didn't have my number. I can tell even through text that he is wary of the situation, but so am I. Strangeness ensues. 

5:00pm- A car pulling out from the sidewalk slams into the side of my car. Completely her fault, but yet another thing I have to do for my poor Echo. Sigh.

7:00pm-Twelve hours of babysitting and about 40 texts back and forth between me and Tony later, I think I'm ready to be friends with him. There's definitely still an undercurrent of flirting, but I'm not sure where this goes from here. He invites me and Nancy to a party he and Sal were going to later. Nancy vetoes it for both of our sakes and I concur. We go trick or treating around Lynwood where I get to see my old kids and feel like a celebrity. Nancy's neighbor who she's had a crush on for months is dressed as Jesus and as he's giving her kids candy, invites us to a party he's having at his house. When the kids hit their trick or treat limit, we walk back to her house and he reminds me the party's starts at 9pm.

9:00pm-We go to our friends' movie premiere instead of Sal and Tony's party or the neighbor crush's party. The movie is a short slasher film that's not so great, but our friends were in it so it was fun to see them onscreen even though they were the first ones killed off.

11:00pm-After eating a quick McDonalds snack, we are debating the pros and cons of the neighbor party. Way too many cons so I head home instead. I think of meeting up with Tony and Sal since Nancy didn't want to, but make myself go home instead. Never a good idea to go alone to a situation like that. I'm not ready for face to face yet anyway.

Sunday holds a Dia de Los Muertos Brunch with friends, a soccer game with my coworkers and hopefully some football while prepping for Monday.

Thank God it's Fall Back time, I definitely need that extra hour this weekend!  

So my crush on the cute counselor was getting stronger and I tried to actually step up last week, but I chose the weakest way to communicate...text message. Don't get me wrong, I love texting. But unless you're texting someone who really gets you, it's just words on a screen. So why did I attempt to ask him to hang out with me via text? Because 1) We work in his tiny office where the principal and whoever else is around hears everything we say. 2) He gave me his phone number and we text a lot though usually just about work stuff. 3) I wasn't sure how appropriate it was to even do so since really we both sort of work for each other  and finally, 4) I'm a chicken and haven't asked a guy out in about 5 years.  Oh yeah, his name is George Quezada,  hence the GQ.

Here's how it went:

Me: Hey, do you like soccer? My friend has tickets to the LA Galaxy game next Saturday.

GQ: Sure do!

Me: We have 6 tickets, wanna bring your boys?

GQ: They don't like soccer.

Me: Ok, that's cool. I'll call you later and we can talk about the details.

GQ: Sure thing.

Am I crazy or does this mean that he said yes to going to the game? He texted me a non-work related picture message later with a "thanks again for the gift." and a picture of the Padres flag I gave his boys that he'd put up in their bedroom.

How do you respond to this? Cindy (whose boy was coming over to "talk" aka break up at the time) said it was a gateway text for me to call him. But since she was dealing with her boy coming to break up with her, I talked to her instead and didn't call. And I was scared.

I've been at his school all week and wussed out of even bringing it up all week. He booked a cruise the other day and I tried asking him if it was his anniversary and he said "No, I'm just going for fun." So then I said, "You're going by yourself?" and he said, "Nope." So I really didn't want to ask about the game since I felt weird about the whole situation already. At the staff meeting today, he spent the whole time watching this teacher hit on me and then texting me about it. We had to figure out what to do about the tickets today too so I texted him again and he said he was going to Vegas on a turnaround this weekend. I texted him back a breezy, "Have fun and win money for your cruise =D" message. So we're back to being just cool with each other, I think.

I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend and for whatever reason doesn't want to talk about her with me. Michael thinks it's cuz he likes the attention and the fun of flirting with me at work. My coworker who noticed the flirting and winking before said a Vegas turnaround is a single guy thing and the cruise could be with anyone. But she's slightly crazy when it comes to boys, so not the best source for interpreting signals. 

Maybe I'm not thinking straight since I'm overworked and exhausted and needy and crazy again. But was I really off this time? Have I lost every manhunting skill I used to posess? Have I really just focused all this energy on a man with a girlfriend and tons of baggage who I work with?

In any case, the funny thing about this whole situation is that this episode doesn't matter because he is a crush and not anyone I'm dating. Next time I go back to his school, it's not going to be weird since I'll ask him about his trip and he'll ask me about the game and we'll just roll on along. No harm, no foul, back to regulation play.  

Yes, I have absolutely nothing else going on in my life but this little mini-drama with the counselor. Everything else in my life is work, work, work,and more work. We're working from 8am to 10pm for the next two weeks,and that includes this weekend. We have a deadline that could cost us $15,000 if we don't meet it. Yeah, this is all a lot more intense than I thought, but I still really like it so hopefully it all works out...

.

Em and missy

My cousin Missy has had a hell of a year. Take what I've gone through and multiply it by a hundred times more pain and that's what she's been through. I mean, out of all the cousins, she was the closest to our grandpa. She spent the most time at his side through all of his hospital visits not only because she could, but because she really wanted to. It took her the longest to cry in front of him because she wanted to be strong for him. When Kara died, I was sad because she was a sweetheart and family, but to Missy she was her best friend, soul sister and true kindred spirit. Missy's car and laptop got stolen at Plaza Bonita this year while she was at the movies. She has been looking for a job for about 18 months already and everyone has told her she was either overqualified or underqualified. Then, to top it all off, her family's been in some legal trouble and they lost their house a month ago. Her mom's business had to close down and her dad just started his new job last month. He had gotten laid off back in March, when my grandpa was sick. But despite all of this, she's still smiling and surviving...

So Kristy and I decided that the best thing to do was to throw her a surprise birthday party at her favorite place-Chuck E. Cheese! Most of the cousins made it and we had a fantastic time. It's always nice to get to be a kid again...

Chuck e cheese cousins1

Chuck e and the cousins

Oh, and we went out drinking with her friends that Friday night too. This was the first time our little cousin Diana (ok, she's 21!) went out with us so she got to hear all of our old drinking stories, take her first shot, learn how to order a drink at a bar and party with the "big kids".

Cousins at lucky ds2

An added bonus...my friend Vanessa had a cocktail reception (aka open bar with yummy appetizers) at the Marriott for her 30th and I met a cute Wentworth Miller lookalike who was a good dancer, her best guy friend and single =D She asked if she could set us up, and for the first time ever, I agreed. All I know so far is that he's Mormon and lives in San Diego...we'll see how this goes =D

All week long I've been waiting for this wedding. Ok, maybe longer than that, maybe I've been waiting 4 years for it, just like everyone else in "The Office" fan club. Even though they're fictional TV characters, I kept getting emotional during the show. Hell, I was getting a little teary during the promos last week. I think the best weddings are when you just know that the couple is meant to be, for better or for worse, they are a match. For Jim and Pam it took 4 years, most of which Pam spent engaged to Roy while Jim was with Karen for  a bit. And they even lived apart for a lot of it. I bet if you actually totaled the time they were technically a couple, it wouldn't be very much time at all.

The-office-wedding-pictures-02

But it didn't matter, because when you're supposed to be together, everything else falls into place, right?

Despite all the craziness that happened throughout, their happily ever after made me yearn for that moment too. I mean, how amazing would it be to know the day you meet someone that you're going to marry them? As unrealistic as this sounds, I know a few people who've had the kind of serendipitous relationship that turned into the happy ending so it's out there. 

Like De, who found her first boyfriend Andrew on Friendster 7 years later and now they're getting married. Here's their Save the Date.

Save-The-Date

Luckily, I'm spared bridesmaid duty once again, but I am in charge of some sort of "performance" that she has her heart set on... 

So I noticed this guy way back in July when I met with the principal of his school. He's cute, tall and dresses nicely and I thought he'd be perfect for my fake sister Nancy. When I did the training for his school in Palm Springs, he offered me his hotel room key so I could hang out and then go out with them later. Since I was dating Tony, I didn't really give it a second thought when I turned him down. Ok, I didn't give it a third thought because this hotel was gorgeous and the last thing I wanted to do was drive back to LA and work when I could be chillin at the pool or something. I would give Nancy updates on him when I went to his school, just to mess around. But as I hung out in his office, I started liking him more and more. First it was the way he handled the kids and parents, with this easygoing charm that was still professional and efficient. Then it was how he would go above and beyond for me, getting me what I needed and sending me nice random emails saying stuff like I was doing an amazing job at Locke and how he appreciated having me there. I asked him for the school number and he gave me his cell phone number instead. When I go to his school, I generally go and work with the teachers during their free period for as long as they need me and then go sit in the office with him and we just hang out and work, sorta. When I went to their back to school night, my coworker said he was flirting with me and winked at me, both things I was oblivious to at the moment. 

I didn't really have the nerve to ask him personal questions like how old he was or if he had a girlfriend or whatever till last week. I sat in his office long enough to find out that he's 29 (30 in february), is divorced, has 2 boys-an 8 year old and a 5 year old who he has joint custody of, is getting a second master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy right now, he owns a house in North Long Beach and that his teams are the Chargers and the Padres. I jumped out of my seat to high five him when he told me he was a San Diego fan. His son plays little league and his team is the Padres so they have tons of Padres gear. He said he takes his boys to Dodgers stadium all decked out in their SD gear too. Small world, right?

I happened to have this huge Padres flag that one of my Dodger friends got for me when she went down to Petco Park in my car so I gave it to him for his kids and he hugged me. Then he texted me later that his boy loved my gift.

After I told Nancy he had 2 earrings and was younger than us, she said those were dealbreakers and I should just go for him already. I guess the kids and ex-wife could be dealbreakers and so could the whole working with him thing, but I honestly don't see it like that. Ok, so I don't know if he has a girlfriend since in all of our conversations he has never mentioned anything about that. I tried to get on that topic and that led to him having kids and an ex-wife instead.

But this is why the crush level works for now. I can just keep flirting with him and maybe we'll become great friends and I'll have someone else to go to baseball and football games with. Or maybe he's the even better man who's next...  

On tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother, Ted goes on a blind date with a girl he had gone out on a blind date with 7 years prior. Throughout the date, they analyze their past selves and pinpoint exactly why they never went out on a second date. Ted, ever the romantic, goes back over it all and thinks about what could have happened during the past 7 years if they had gone out again which could have been the whole 9 yards-relationship, engagement, wedding, happily ever after. But after they kiss, he realizes the little things that stopped him from calling her and asking her out again are the little things that mattered to him.

Lesson learned: If something didn't work out the first time and then you try it a second time, chances are it might not work out again either. Unless those things that messed it up the first time have changed somehow.

I mean, Hern and I tried 4 times and it never worked. I mean, it was kind of progressively better, but still.

Who's to say that anything would happen differently if Tony were to call me and want to try again? Who's to say I would even be single still? Or that he would even call me at all? I don't understand why I'm so fixated on him still. Even with Wil, I was done and that was all. With Sam, I still have residual moments, but it wasn't like this. Dave and I actually had a semblance of a relationship and after the fade out, that was that. They were all so easy to just forget about. It bugs me that Tony isn't.

Why does this guy matter to me so much?

Amparo in her logical wisdom just said, why would you want to go out with him again? That lateness thing is a dealbreaker and he will never change.

So that was that, in her eyes. If only I were so logical. I can't help but have residual feelings still for someone I dated for just a month, and it's been almost a month since it was over already. I need something or someone to push me over this hump. Otherwise, I'll just keep hoping that somehow he'll come around... 

It's been a rough week.

I almost quit my job yesterday. It's a long story and I don't even want to type or think about it anymore. But I got a raise and I'm staying. I'm going to start tutoring still, but there are several prospects on the horizon for us which could actually make this profitable soon.

I went to another funeral today.This time it was for Mrs. Jones' 28 year old son. I worked with Mrs. Jones for the past 9 years and although I never met him and we weren't really close, I still wanted to be there to pay my respects. It was a beautiful memorial service. They called it a celebration of life and it truly was that. At the end of the slideshow, the family got up and waved goodbye to his smiling face and danced as the music played out. 

I spent all day today and last night with Nancy and the girls and their madness. I love them, but damn it's stressful to be in that house sometimes. Way too many people with bad tempers or attitudes and nonstop drama...

The power cord I bought off ebay for my laptop doesn't work and I'm stuck borrowing other people's whenever I can. Not so helpful when I work for a software company, right?

At least there's football on tomorrow! Go Chargers! =D

So according to my favorite blog (single-ish on glamour.com) it's national singles week from september 20-26 every year. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? What exactly does this mean? Why is there even such a thing? Does this mean all of my married friends should invite me over for dinner and buy me presents (like I bought them for their weddings?) When I need answers, I turn to my good friend Google Search. And this is what shows up.

http://www.celebratelove.com/singlesweek.htm as well as www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/intro.htm

Seriously?

The best thing about being single is having the freedom to do whatever the hell I want to do whenever I feel like it. If I want ice cream for dinner, then that's what I'm having. If I don't feel like doing dishes for a week, then I don't have to because I have a whole cupboard full of them. If all I want to do is lay around in my pajamas all weekend doing absolutely nothing, then that's exactly what I get to do.

On Friday night, as we drove up to the karaoke place, Cindy and I were discussing our single girl dramas with Paul (who's been married for 4 years, has been with his wife for 8 years total now) who was also discussing his married man drama with us. And yes, it does suck to be the single girl sometimes, but at the very least, I get to decide if/when I have drama in my life. When Paul and his wife Marie are fighting, there's no escape. They gotta duke it out every time the issue of money and going out to eat or drinking too much or taking care of the house or anything like that comes around. They're still kinda battling about the kids issue because as Paul's desire for a family grows, Marie's is starting to lessen.

My biggest (non)issue right now is whether I should ask my new crush out or not because he works at one of my schools. And also that Tony's probably not going to call me anymore since his friend Sal implied that I was dating someone else already. And if this is all the drama I have in my life, then I'm the lucky one and I don't need a week to tell me this, but I kinda appreciate the thought of it anyways.

So hooray for single people everywhere!