The beauty of the blog is it's a time machine that lets you peek at your past and remember the good times and of course, reminds you of the not so great times.
At this exact moment last year, I had just started talking to Dave. We were in my favorite part, the beginning, before it started getting complicated and when every communication was exciting and new.
Today was also the day that Ben had his stroke. I was driving up to Del Mar Fair with Amparo and Rich when Phil called me saying Ben was in the ICU. We went to the fair anyway, watched fireworks and then I ended up driving down south to meet up with Phil, crying and praying for Ben's life to be saved somehow.
I didn't know what was going to happen with my job. There was a slim chance it would be saved even.
Fast forward to now. I have a completely different job which could either make me rich(or at least bring me back to normal) or lead to another year of struggling to make ends meet.
Ben is perfectly fine. I hate to say this, but the stroke kind of fixed a lot of things in his life. He is finally taking care of himself, he has a relationship with his mother again and he has actually made goals to improve his life.
There is no more Dave and really no one with boyfriend or even dating potential in my life right now. Brian and I were supposed to hang out while I was in DC last week, but it didn't work out since I had such an early flight and no way to get to NY as I had planned originally. He called me to say goodbye this morning. My constant crush is now headed back to Thailand where he'll probably be for awhile since he actually has job offers there. He invited me to come and stay with him whenever I wanted, but that will have to wait for when I have a steady income, time off and a passport.
Nothing is the same. If I were to compare and contrast 2008 and 2009, they would have nothing in common. Well, except that I thankfully still have my friends and family intact. And with that kind of safety net, all I have to do is cross this tightrope to the next part of this adventure...
When we were obsessed with Mike Tyson's punch out, we thought tko just meant triple knock out. But it really means that the ref just decided that the fighter can't continue the match for whatever reason and declares the other guy the winner. Sometimes it does mean that the fighter's been knocked down three times in one round.
If 2009 were a fight (and, damn, it sure has been!) then I'd be ready for my tko right about now. Just got back from DC (bus made me late for first flight, had to spend my last 50 bucks on the flight change, almost lost my wallet and boarding pass at the airport in Atlanta) to see that my car has a parking ticket, my phone screen is dead again and my dad is in the hospital. Fucking threes.
I was supposed to go to a funeral today (thu) for a friend's mother who died last week but of course I rushed down to SD instead. He was in the same hospital as my grandpa, and in the same room where my grandma died. He had been having random continuous nose bleeds this weekend and some tightness in his chest so when he finally vomited blood, my mom took him to the er. They said he had stroke level high blood pressure and an irregular heartbeat so they admitted him. They put the machines on him, his bp went down and they put some thing in his nose to stop the bleeding. He lied to the doc about going to see his cardiologist (he hasn't seen a doctor since his heart attack and stint surgery 4 years ago) but his tests came out ok so he went home last night.
After everything that has gone wrong this year and last, I spent that hour drive (yes, I was going hella fast but I was also coming from john wayne airport) crying and praying and thinking about what could happen next. There have been way too many moments like this for me and I just kept hoping it would be alright. This time, thankfully, it was.
It's been almost a year since Ben's stroke. I'm thinking I should spend that particular day (tomorrow) with him, since he's had his own share of tkos but once in the geniza bubble, there is no escape.
I feel like everything I've been posting is slightly traumatic and a downer, but everything happens for a reason and things still manage to work out for me, so the fight continues on.
I got plenty more rounds left in me...
