3 posts tagged “comfort”

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain
Suddenly everything changed
They're spreadin' blankets on the beach

If I could figure out how to get music uploaded on here from my Itunes, I would have added one of my faves, "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. Today is the first day of school and I'm not there for the first time in eight years.

I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It was nice to wake up late and continue my non-routine summer schedule especially after that heartbreaking loss yesterday. I felt sad at the thought that the Roosevelt world was continuing without me.

But I should hear about the coach job today or tomorrow. I really want this job. I feel like I am finally ready to get out of the classroom and start working with adults. If I ever want to be principal or do anything besides teach 7-8 year olds, this needs to be my first step. And yeah, I put myself in this position by being irresponsible. so I felt disappointed in myself for not being on top of things, but I've been feeling that way awhile now. I am relieved that everyone in my work world knows. No one in my family knows, and I am still hoping I will never have to tell them.

I reread one of my favorite books today. Whenever I feel a little down or have some sort of transition to deal with, I turn to "The Missing Piece meets the Big O", here's an online version- http://osorhan.com/bigo/. I used to reference it in regards to being single, or the ending of some relationship or a big change in my life.

But this year has had so many changes in it, this just seems like another one. I'm not so sharp anymore, my edges have worn down a little so I'm more at this point today.

 And maybe all these changes are headed towards something even better than what I was used to. I have hope, I have faith and hopefully by tomorrow, I will have a job and a purpose once again.  

This week has been particularly hard for me. I found out on Tuesday morning that I am no longer teaching at Roosevelt this year. My credential mess (which is in process, but could take up to 50 days) means I am not legally allowed to be in a classroom. So I applied for the literacy coach job and hopefully I'll get it. In the meantime, I am a substitute. As in, somewhat unemployed, uninsured and pretty much unsure of my future.

But it's not all bad. I had my interview for coach today and I think it went pretty well. The new principal seems nice and she said she'd get back to me by early next week after she interviewed 3 or 4 more people for the position. I don't know who the competition is, but I feel pretty good, so keep me in your prayers and keep your fingers crossed.

Since I am classroom-less, I have to move 8 years of teaching stuff into...well, nowhere. I live in a studio now and have no actual "place" at school. So my awesome staff helped me out and offered me closets, cabinets and of course are helping me pack and move all of my stuff. Now, I'm almost all moved out and none of my stuff has actually left the campus. When everyone heard about what happened, they all offered to take days off so I could pay my rent and sub for them. I got offered a room in my friend's apartment too. One of them started looking for jobs for me online like a madwoman before I even did.

I've been kinda down, but I'm thinking positively and hoping for the best. I just have to wait it out on this coach thing. Instead of waiting around in misery though, Chris offered me his Chargers ticket for the game on Sunday, Missy is going to drive me down and I think Chad is going to pick me up from the train station. My friend said I could work on the first day of school, subbing for a kindergarten class. So it's all on the upswing. But it's just a waiting game but I have hope and faith that it will all work out!

When he asked me why I was 30 and single, the real answer should have been, "Because I haven't met anyone who would be worth fitting into my life, which is already full of family and friends who care about me and love me."

In a sense, I have always had the majority of my needs and wants met, so it never felt like anything was missing. And I could probably fill up the rest of my life and live happily ever after without a boyfriend/husband or whatever. When my weekend was suddenly free because he was sick, it was filled up with plans with various friends and that was all within minutes.

When he didn't call all week, I needed to hear Chad tell me that I was too wonderful to not get a call back. I needed Cindy to tell me that the only acceptable reason for him to not call me back was that he dropped dead. I needed Christina to tell me to hang in there and that he must have been abducted by aliens. I needed Sher to spend the entire weekend with me, talking about it till I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I needed Ben and Phil to ignore the whole situation and treat me like a princess and to remind me that there are good guys out there.I needed Amparo to bake me cookies and tell me the next one would be even better. Tomorrow, I am going to a sports bar with Cindy and Porfi to watch the Chargers game and check out guys who actually like sports.

And this is what I got, because I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends who understand what I need without me having to say a word.

Tomorrow is another day. I know I won't need a man to make me happy, because I've already come this far without one and had a fantastic time. But the best thing about being single is that there's always the freedom to find someone and the hope that the next one will be the one that was worth the wait...