4 posts tagged “hope”

So I've been happily subbing back at my old school and I realized something today. I might be ready for something else. Don't get me wrong, I love my school and sometimes all I need to feel happy again is to walk through those halls, saying hello to all of the students, parents, and teachers all day. My school is the kind of place where I can't go two steps without getting a hug or a kiss or an enthusiastic "How are you?" that demands a detailed response. It's a place just like Cheers, where everyone knows me and I truly feel at home there. But this year, it's been different. Not having my own classroom, knowing that the school is functioning without me running everything, it's made me realize that I have started a lot of great traditions there, I've left a strong, permanent mark on that community and I will always have a home there. But I don't need to be there 12 hours a day, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week, like I have been the past 8 years to be happy and fulfilled.

I like being there as a sub because I get to see my friends, my old students, the parents and my PTA gang. I get to do what I want without the stress, responsibility and commitment it takes to be a teacher. I can't even pinpoint when this snowball of change started for me. But it keeps on rolling on and on. 

I got a second interview for a job as a program manager of The New Teacher Project. It's basically a non profit organization that works to recruit, train and place teachers where they're most needed. As in, my job would be to match teachers with schools that would best suit their strengths while making sure that the schools are getting qualified candidates that match their needs. Kind of like playing cupid for teachers and schools, I guess. Except they are just launching it in Los Angeles and that would make me (if I get this job) pretty much responsible for starting it from scratch. Scary, scary thought.

I kinda hesitated on even applying for this job because it seemed so, well, so grown up. It's working with school districts, principals and teachers. No kids, no kickball, no painting, no mathathon, nothing that I'm used to or good at. Halfway through the first phone interview I started thinking about hanging up because it seemed overwhelming and way out of my league. Before I even qualified for this second interview I had an assignment to do and I got so annoyed with it, I kinda gave up on it at first, then did it, turned it in a day late (though I made up an excuse and they fell for it) and expected not to hear from them again.

Whether I get this job or not, the snowball of change keeps on rolling and instead of fighting it, I'm going to try to ride on top, knowing that everything happens for a reason. And that with faith and trust in myself and in God, everything will work out for the best...

Even with all the heartbreak from this weekend's Chargers game(and last weekend's!), my mostly Charger fantasy football team managed to squeak by and beat my opponent anyways. Unlike Sher, I was only 15 minutes late for my draft and I got pretty decent picks. Rivers is my quarterback, I have LT, Gates, Sproles, Jackson, Chambers and the Chargers Defense. Bye week will be ugly though, but I also couldn't choose players I hated or who were on rival teams even if they were good.

I also got a long term teaching gig that puts me back at my school for the next 2 months. And I have an interview on Thursday for a Program Coordinator position with the New Teacher Project Project which recruits and trains new teachers then places them in high need schools.

 Things are definitely looking up =)

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain
Suddenly everything changed
They're spreadin' blankets on the beach

If I could figure out how to get music uploaded on here from my Itunes, I would have added one of my faves, "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. Today is the first day of school and I'm not there for the first time in eight years.

I don't know exactly how I feel about it. It was nice to wake up late and continue my non-routine summer schedule especially after that heartbreaking loss yesterday. I felt sad at the thought that the Roosevelt world was continuing without me.

But I should hear about the coach job today or tomorrow. I really want this job. I feel like I am finally ready to get out of the classroom and start working with adults. If I ever want to be principal or do anything besides teach 7-8 year olds, this needs to be my first step. And yeah, I put myself in this position by being irresponsible. so I felt disappointed in myself for not being on top of things, but I've been feeling that way awhile now. I am relieved that everyone in my work world knows. No one in my family knows, and I am still hoping I will never have to tell them.

I reread one of my favorite books today. Whenever I feel a little down or have some sort of transition to deal with, I turn to "The Missing Piece meets the Big O", here's an online version- http://osorhan.com/bigo/. I used to reference it in regards to being single, or the ending of some relationship or a big change in my life.

But this year has had so many changes in it, this just seems like another one. I'm not so sharp anymore, my edges have worn down a little so I'm more at this point today.

 And maybe all these changes are headed towards something even better than what I was used to. I have hope, I have faith and hopefully by tomorrow, I will have a job and a purpose once again.  

This week has been particularly hard for me. I found out on Tuesday morning that I am no longer teaching at Roosevelt this year. My credential mess (which is in process, but could take up to 50 days) means I am not legally allowed to be in a classroom. So I applied for the literacy coach job and hopefully I'll get it. In the meantime, I am a substitute. As in, somewhat unemployed, uninsured and pretty much unsure of my future.

But it's not all bad. I had my interview for coach today and I think it went pretty well. The new principal seems nice and she said she'd get back to me by early next week after she interviewed 3 or 4 more people for the position. I don't know who the competition is, but I feel pretty good, so keep me in your prayers and keep your fingers crossed.

Since I am classroom-less, I have to move 8 years of teaching stuff into...well, nowhere. I live in a studio now and have no actual "place" at school. So my awesome staff helped me out and offered me closets, cabinets and of course are helping me pack and move all of my stuff. Now, I'm almost all moved out and none of my stuff has actually left the campus. When everyone heard about what happened, they all offered to take days off so I could pay my rent and sub for them. I got offered a room in my friend's apartment too. One of them started looking for jobs for me online like a madwoman before I even did.

I've been kinda down, but I'm thinking positively and hoping for the best. I just have to wait it out on this coach thing. Instead of waiting around in misery though, Chris offered me his Chargers ticket for the game on Sunday, Missy is going to drive me down and I think Chad is going to pick me up from the train station. My friend said I could work on the first day of school, subbing for a kindergarten class. So it's all on the upswing. But it's just a waiting game but I have hope and faith that it will all work out!