5 posts tagged “other people's problems”
I always consider myself a guy's girl since I like sports, video games and all sorts of other stereotypically "guy" things. I tend to get along better with guys and I still have more close guy friends than girl friends. Granted, these relationships were not always 100% platonic but whatever.
I had lunch with Phil and his gf Christine on Sunday and it was....well, pretty awful. When I first met her at her birthday party, I thought she was really nice. The second time I met her after the Universal Studios mess, she seemed to be the victim of a Ben attack and I appreciated little things that she did like paying for her own dinner although Ben had offered and buying enough candy for the three of us to share without being asked. This time, she did/said a lot of things that kind of cemented the fact that I will not ever be her friend. Or at least not separately.
Yes, I know I am judgemental but I care about Phil and he deserves a wonderful woman. I can't help but have my guard up when someone comes along and finds a way to ruin a perfectly good Phil-Emma hangout. Maybe I'm reading too much into little things or I just don't get her, but she just rubbed me the wrong way. First of all, she wasn't invited to our hangout, but we rearranged it so she could come. This annoyed me a little, but whatever, I want to get to know her since she's gonna marry Phil. But in short, during our two hour lunch, she managed to insult the restaurant I chose, make snide remarks about the waitress, convince Phil to tip her ten percent for "not doing her job", say San Diego was "boring" and say that if Ben wasn't going to change his life maybe God shouldn't have given him another chance and given it to someone else instead. Seriously?! Plus, every time Phil and I would start a conversation, she would kind of butt in with an inappropriate tangent to change the subject.
I tried to be nice, but I am no good at being fake so maybe she didn't like me either. I hate to say this, but I think she might just not like me or that I'm friends with Phil. This has happened to me before, where the girlfriends of my guy friends don't like me hanging out with their men so it's hard not to take it personally. For the record, I have only crossed the line with Wil (ok, with him a few times) but I didn't know his status and/or he lied about it. So it's not like I am some notorious "other woman"!
Later on, as Phil was driving home that night, he sent me a text that said "It was good seeing u today." I responded back that I had fun (with him, not her) and invited the two of them to my birthday karaoke thing up here this Friday. I got no response. I don't know where this one bad interaction leaves the Phil and Emma friendship...Does the fact that I'm a girl automatically cross me off his friends list?? She doesn't even know that Phil used to have a crush on me so why am I so threatening? Why can't everyone just get along?
Ew, girls like that are so annoying...
And to think I even invited her to tailgate with us at a Chargers game!
If Phil and Ben were reduced to characters in a book or a movie, no one would understand why they are friends. In a lot of ways, they are polar opposites. I don't actually remember what made them start hanging out with each other so much, but they got along pretty well and had fun so that was it. I liked hanging out with them better when it was the three of us, so that was that. After the Universal Studios debacle, I knew something big was going to happen. So after almost three weeks of them not speaking to one another, I needed to know what was going on. Ben actually called me a week or so ago, but I was super sick and couldn't talk then so tonight as I drove home, I got his side of the story.
The gist of it is that Ben feels that he is taken for granted by Phil (not true), that Phil was using him as a filler friend who was only good for hanging out with because he had no one else to hang out with(not true) and that if Phil had been with Christine this past summer, he would not have been there for Ben as much as he was (so not true). The last one almost made me not want to be friends with Ben anymore myself. I listened as long as I could(not long), then questioned his reasoning, argued with him, tried to coerce him to see how unreasonable he was being, but to no avail. So I took Sher's advice and just took myself out of the situation and listened more. Ben has decided to end their friendship with an email explaining why he can't be friends with Phil anymore. In this way, he has ultimate control and all of the say and doesn't have to deal with Phil's side of the story at all. I told him this was the villain's way out and he agreed, but this is the path he has chosen. At the end, I asked him if I could tell Phil and he said he trusted me to make that decision. So of course, I called Phil immediately.
After all of this time, and particularly last summer, Phil has shown that he is the ultimate friend to Ben and there is no way he should hear how Ben thinks he is unreliable and selfish and not worthy of being friends with in an email. I told Phil what Ben said (but in an edited, much nicer way) and ended it by adding my two cents, of course. After being annoyed and angry about the situation and threatening to tell his parents, Phil was fine about the whole thing too. I don't think that Ben's accusations were true, but if neither one wants this friendship to work, then it should be over.
Ultimately, I think this ending might be the best for both of them. It was clear at that horribly awkward dinner that Ben could not be around Phil and Christine for an extended amount of time and vice versa. Ben has his own interests and his own friends so he'll be fine. Phil and Christine's relationship can go full speed ahead. I don't have to choose sides because it's just over. Each one of them knows I'll be friends with the other one and that's fine. I think that, like with Tom and Herman, they may still want to know how the other is, but that's natural. I know I could have let it all go down without getting involved, but I'm glad I jumped in the middle this time. Even if all it really did was make Phil feel a little better and make Ben rethink the harshness level of his email, I'm glad that a resolution was reached and everyone knows where they stand.
The reason I continue being friends with Ben is that deep down, I know he is a good person. He means well, even though he may not execute well. Yesterday was the Universal Studios adventure for Phil's birthday. He has been "planning" this since Christmas. He saved up money, he invited people and he even drove everyone over there. I dreaded the thought spending all day with him, Phil and Christine and some other couples. The one stipulation I have about my friendship with Ben is that the two of us can't really be alone together for very long. He makes me crazy and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
I knew the birthday dinner would be weird. But I didn't realize it was going to be one of the most uncomfortable dinners I've ever been to. And I have been on a lot of weird first dates and suffered through many strange combinations of people at social events, so this is saying a lot. It was like there were two separate dinners going on, but I was part of both. Phil and Christine were talking to me and sharing food. Ben and Huy were telling me about their day and showing me pictures. I knew something had gone down, but everyone was ignoring it.
When Christine and Phil wanted to go home with me instead of Ben, that confirmed it. I spent the rest of the night with C+P(yes, I'm this lazy) as they complained about their horrible day. She said he was grumpy all day, rode one ride with them and they didn't get to do everything because he wanted to stop and shop for long amounts of time. In other words, a bad time was had by all. It's kinda ironic that Ben actually called me about convincing Phil to date this girl just two months ago. I don't know how he feels about the situation, but here I am in my favorite place: THE MIDDLE!
But this is merely a speed bump that the C+P high speed train will jump over. They are planning their wedding and looking at houses and going to a bridal show today! It has not even been a month since they started dating. This girl however, has been in love with him since 2001. Ironically, her New Year's resolution this year was to stop her Phil addiction. And then there was the pinky promise which led to asking her out and the rest is history.Maybe not the most romantic story, but they really are a cute couple and despite how it may hurt Ben and Phil's friendship, I think this train is going full speed ahead...
So, Phil has a girlfriend now. He pinky promised me that he would ask her one question (So what are we doing?) in that innocent, Phil way to figure out how she really felt and then have a conversation about that. Which led to him asking her to be his girlfriend and her saying yes. He said I could be his bridesmaid. Oh if it were always so simple...
It's the girl that he's been stringing along for almost four years. Her name is Christine, she lives up here in LA, is a Filipino nurse who owns her own place and seems like a nice person but that's according to Ben, which says a lot, right? She has pretty much always liked Phil and he communicates with her on a "needs attention" basis. The thing is she's not so cute and kinda chubby so he has never felt any attraction towards her. Which is horrible, but I'm not one who endorses settling so I was always on the cut her off, stop playing with her emotions and just give her closure side. Until he finally made an effort to come up here to see her (she had previously made EVERY effort to hang out/talk/text/IM for the past 4 years) and Ben actually called me to kinda persuade me to persuade him to give her a chance. I think he actually said, "Well, at our age he should take advantage of someone liking him." Yeah, it sounds bad but deep down, I kinda agreed. And thus, the bullying at Borders which led to the pinky promise and so on...
This weekend, when I previously had no real plans, I now have to be the good friend by letting Ben stay over and hang out with me so Phil can have some quality time with his girl. I mean, Ben totally approves of her and was the impetus for this whole thing but he can't drive and he's pretty much going to be the third wheel otherwise. I feel for both of them so I guess we're going to have some quality Ben-Emma bonding time.
Yeah, don't know how this is going to go but I'm going to try, even if it kills me. Because if anyone deserves this, it's Phil. He's really the sweetest person ever and maybe this is his happy ending. And it's really not so much to ask that I steer any Ben shaped obstacles out of his way, right? ;-D
You might have heard me discuss this guy, David Morales a little bit. He seems to pop in and out of our social circle every once in a while, mostly in scandalous matters. David isn't super hot, in fact, he's pretty much average. But what he's got going for him is this crazy confidence and charm that has made many women swoon. Seriously, I personally know at least eight women who have had some sort of crush or something on this guy. And whereas I've never had a crush on him exactly, he's always been super flirty with me and when I'm being bad (ok, tipsy) Emma, I am usually flirty back. We made out just once, but in a photo booth so there are photos somewhere in this universe of us kissing, but knowing David, they've probably just disappeared. He told me he was really attracted to me once (though his best friend Danny had just asked me for my number a few hours before) a week after the makeout photo booth session and said we should go out. Of course, I rejected that offer since I had this crazy instant connection with his best friend and really would never date David, even back then in the open minded era. I never actually went out with Danny but that was probably somehow related to me rejecting David. Whatever. But the good thing about David is he's always pretty fun and definitely interesting. Plus, he has a lot of guy friends, such as the best friend who I really clicked with and who I randomly run into every now and then.
Anyway, after being tricked into living with his girlfriend (and I quote, "Guess what? I tricked David into living with me!") then breaking up with her this past December, she got pregnant and so they eloped a few weeks ago. And, surprise, surprise, he hates it. In fact,what was he doing while his pregnant bride was at home? He spent this afternoon with me and Cindy talking about how he can't even bring himself to wear the ring on a daily basis, how he will always feel like a tenant living in her house and how married life just kinda sucks. When asked if he could be anywhere in the world right now, he answered, "Someone else's bed". And then he went off to drink and play golf with his guy friends.
This is not a shock by any means. He and this girl have known each other since high school where she probably had a crush on him and ten years later, she got him to move in, got knocked up and married the guy. But at what cost? This has disaster written all over it. And I get that he was trying to do the right thing, in fact, I commended him for being a good guy about it all. I hope for her sake, his sake, her son (from another guy) and their future baby, it all works out.
But wow, it definitely made me feel a hell of a lot better that my Friday night involved watching the presidential debate, hanging out with friends, drinking wine, eating buffalo wings and getting home in time to watch Pro Football Preview. I love that I can do whatever the hell I want, with whoever I want for as long as I feel like it. The best thing about being single is that even if none of the fish are biting at the moment, there are always plenty of them swimming around out there and we can pick whoever we want.
